Small passage from Chapter 1 called ‘Life back East’.

Is anyone out there the product of an East coast upbringing? What’s that? Did you say that you’re from Chicago? Hmm…ya know as much as I love Chicago, that’s the midwest. Not taking anything away from my Chicagoers, but ya’ll have a different style that has slight variations. Don’t get me wrong, I love Chicago. Downtown is incredible. The architecture and style hits you the minute you exit the subway. The food is amazing and not to mention one of my best friends is a Chicago native. Anyone else? Oh really! So you’ve lived on the East coast but unsure if you can call yourself a product of the East coast? Is that where your trepidation lies? Hmmm, let’s see. Have you ever walked into a coffee shop, department store or any public establishment and immediately felt the eyes of every patron undressing you right where you stand? At the gym do people ask where you’re from and then say, ah, that’s what I thought? What about this one. When was the last time you were sick? Been a while, huh? Well statistics show that 87% of children growing up on the East coast have overall style, stronger immune systems, determination and not to mention a better chance at achieving success. East coasters create better resumes and more often than none excel in the work place. People originating out of the West coast, have shorter life spans than East coasters. On the basketball court, East coasters are usually the first to be picked up on a team. Unfortunately, West coasters often find themselves sitting on the sideline waiting to get on the court. East coasters can lose weight faster than people from the West coast. We love to run and the enzymes in our blood are richer. East coaster possess a thicker grade of skin. About a year ago, a cancer research institute conducted a study attempting to find out geographically where melanoma hit the hardest. Any guesses to where this form of cancer was most prevalent? It was out West. This finding is attributed to the exceptionally cold climate mixed with the elevated humidity levels. The mutated gene has a hard time metastasizing when in these kinds of weather conditions. Now do you see how a true East coaster is easily distinguishable? If you are beginning to see the light and with this information can now firmly defend your East coast upbringing then you are a fool. An absolute, blithering fool. Although it would be so cool if this were true, it saddens me to say that every single word that you just read was made up. A lie. False. Completely lacking any and all relevance. But I had you going didn’t I?

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